I so totally wish I’d thought of this first: “An Open Letter To People Who Think They Have Found The Artifact That Will Change Archaeology As We Know It”
Don't get me wrong, I really do want to see your cool artifacts. However, I must tell you, that more than half of the people who come to see me actually just have plain old boring rocks. That's not a judgment. I am sure the Geology Department will be interested in seeing your rocks.
Oh, the snark, it fills me with joy! There are so many more where that came from. I want them all for my FAQ.