humor

Cited in a lecture I heard today, from T. H. Huxley:

How it is that anything so remarkable as a state of consciousness comes about as a result of irritating nervous tissue, is just as unaccountable as the appearance of Dun when Aladdin rubbed his lamp.

In honor of Halloween, the Washington Post has a story on extreme pumpkin-growers. It's a great example of massive phenotypic change in a few generations:

Thousands of new growers, even including some in the warm, pumpkin-unfriendly climes around Washington, have been attracted to the mad-scientist thrill of growing a fruit the size of a boulder. For some reason, at least 80 percent of them have been men.

Over the years, more growers have meant more pumpkins, and more chances to cross one behemoth with another.

As this practice has become more popular, the seeds of certain well-known pumpkins -- such as a 723-pound New York specimen whose illustrious offspring have made it the Alydar of squash -- can bring hundreds of dollars at auction. At training seminars, growers will play "pumpkin poker," for one seed a hand.

Everyone's dreaming that these unions of big pumpkins will produce a generation that is bigger still.

"We've put a man on the moon. We've run the four-minute mile," said Ray Waterman, who runs a seed and supply company outside Buffalo. "And now we're going to grow a 2,000-pound pumpkin."

The world record size has gone from 400 pounds in the 1980's up to 1469 points this month. But it's not all genetics:

While the pumpkin's roots were sunk in the soil, Beauchemin shaded its prized fruit from the elements and placed it on a low-friction fabric. In the weeks to come, he knew, the mega-pumpkin would expand so fast that the roughness of the bare ground might slow it down.

"It never felt the dirt," he said. "And it never felt the rain."

With all their fertilizing and watering, these people are making a pumpkin secular trend. For fame, glory, and -- for the not-so-lucky -- the chance to cut the giant squash in half and fit a trolling motor for a spin around the river.

The AP article ends this way:

Wasilewski said a 10- or 20-foot python also could pose a risk to an unwary human, especially a child. He added, however, "I don't think this is an imminent threat. This is not a 'Be afraid, be very afraid' situation."

Oh, I beg to differ. It begins this way:

MIAMI - The alligator has some foreign competition at the top of the Everglades food chain, and the results of the struggle are horror-movie messy.

A 13-foot Burmese python recently burst after it apparently tried to swallow a live, six-foot alligator whole, authorities said.

Yes, there are photos.

The gory evidence of the latest gator-python encounter -- the fourth documented in the past three years -- was discovered and photographed last week by a helicopter pilot and wildlife researcher.

The snake was found with the gator's hindquarters protruding from its midsection. Mazzotti said the alligator may have clawed at the python's stomach as the snake tried to digest it.

In previous incidents, the alligator won or the battle was an apparent draw.

It's like Thunderdome out there!

H. L. Mencken:

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.