Animal metaphors of questionable taste, IV

In a LiveScience article about how capuchin monkeys wash their hands and feet in urine:

"So we think the alpha males might use urine-washing to convey warm, fuzzy feelings to females, that their solicitation is working and that there's no need to run away," [primatologist Kimran] Miller said. "Or they could be doing it because they're excited."

Aside from the problem of staying warm and fuzzy when you urinate on yourself, that wasn't such a bad metaphor (and I think Miller's study is kind of neat), but then the article sets up this groaner:

As to whether these monkeys use their own pee to improve their grip, "studies have not found a lot of support for that idea," Miller said.

Bu-dum ching!